im totally not in da mood to upload or update anythin for da past few daes' events.
it was meant to be a happy outin.
but i reali duno wad cums to my mind at tt moment.

i've runined everythin once again.
and tis tym, it's OVER.
completely.

he cldnt take my nonsense anymore.
yest nite was his limit.
and i exceeded it.
i dun blame him for anythin.
cuz all along i knew, somehow or antoher.
it's me tt's always creatin all kinds of problems.
ther's too many misunderstandin and miscommunication.

we were singing k.
wif my colleagues.
den da 1st song tt they sung was tt song tt someone sang to mi befor.
and da past jus keep on flooding back into my mind.
tt's y i was so quiet suddenly.
it's wasnt becuz of him being quiet beside mi at all.
jus tt i dislike myself to be tinkin of my past when he's jus rite beside mi.
den i jus went out of da room.

all i wan was to be alone walking along da street of orchard rd.
but he came out. he was worried.
as usual i dun appreciate it at all.
i mean u ppls know tt when i wan to be alone, i reali mean it.
but den...
i jus tell him wadever i was tinkin.
but all i get back was slience.
it's so difficult to no wad he's tinking when he didnt tok at all.

and i jus realized how much i love him when he vomitted out of a sudden.
i realized tt he's being so stressed by mi, tt's y he kept on drinkin.

but after all tis incident, tt was it.
i've got da feelin tt he wld tell mi tt sooner or ltr.

he sent mi hm, but i didnt went hm yet.
was strollin abt at my house's downstairs.
den came da news.

suprisingly, i didnt even cry at all when i saw tt sms.
instead, i actually laughed at myself.
for bein so accurate and STUPID.

but, da nxt dae was horrendous.
practically i jus cldnt even control my tears glands.
i tried to pretend nth happen, even if they do ask, i'll jus sae im sick.
i didnt no when im slient da whole dae,
ppls will actually find out abt it and ask mi wad happen.
i didnt no i was so noisy.
ther wasnt alot of customers todae. and most of my frens were workin nite sihft.
which mean, i;ve got no one to tok to.
all i cld no was jus tink, tink, and still tink.
den came weiling and ella.
god. da moment they came, i jus walk into da back room and cry non-stop.
all of them tot tat i jus quarrelled wit him again.
but when i sae it's a break-up tis tym, they were shocked.
cuz it was da 1st tym i cried in da shop.
normally, i'll jus control myself.
but tis tym rd, i reali cant do anythin abt myself.
i cldnt even face customers.
ther's too many memories in da shop tt makes mi keep tinkin of him.

and i oledi feel da darker side of mi is starting to surface.
tat is da side which i hate da most.
da moment he came into my life, tis side of miit's goin to was surpressed.
but now, it seems like it's goin to appear soon.
or mayb it had oledi.

how long do i need to see myself like tis?
i reali cant stAND IT.
why am i always so stupid.
it's like, he giving mi a hand to climb out of tt pit.
but out of a sudden, he let go his hand.
and once again, im in da darkness pit again.

if oni.
if oni i can change my attitude and character.
and EVERYTHIN.


it was oni 4 daes befor da 1st mth.
but so wad?

so wad if i love him so much?
he had given up hopes on mi.
why am i always waiting for ppls?




i need frens again.
frens tt can jus be ther and no wad im tinkin.
i didnt no tt 2 of my best frens had telepathy wif mi ,ONCE AGAIN.
or mayb 3.
it jus happen tt they sms mi at da tym when i reali wanted to look for someone to tok to.

tanks to ella. =]
she was da 1st person i tok to todae.
and she jus gave mi a hug without mi saein anythin.
imagine ella giving hugs.
those type of hugs jolene always give mi at shop.
tt's like, =.="










he mite be da last guy.